I have had few moments to write here in the last two weeks for sure. And in those moments that I could have- I have probably chosen to close my eyes. Right now, Jack is asleep upstairs and Charlie is asleep on his dad's chest. It is raining outside and I just took my time taking a shower- that is a real luxury lately.
The first week home was very tiring as can be imagined with lots of feedings, random hormonal shifts and a visit from Uncle Jeff and Lady Kristen. At one point, I started crying because Charlie started to cry during Jack's bath time. I got so upset because I felt like it had been a million years since I had been leaning over the tub watching Jack's excitement in the water. I just missed you so much Jack- your dad and I both felt like the week away from you was like several weeks. You learned dozens of new words, tricks and facial expressions. You lit up when you saw the rest of your family and looked at us a little bit like we were strangers. It was such an intensely sad and odd feeling.
All the while, we were watching Charlie's sweetness and perfection take shape and enjoying the time in the hospital room, the exhaustion that somehow mixed with relaxation. The exhaustion because of having the unpredictability of a newborn, and the relaxation of simplicity. The hospital brought me meals, we had no cleaning or organizing to do. Only caring for a newborn and greeting visitors. Oh- how I missed the hospital again for a few days after being home.
My c-section pain has healed so much quicker this time. After a few days of taking few trips up the stairs and "babying" my stomach and body in general- I have felt better everyday. I would not say I feel 100% now but I really feel like sleepiness is my only ailment.
We have received an outpouring of help from Barbara and Gregg, lots of food deliveries, my parents left the fridge completely full, our friends Lori and Doug filled our freezer and dad's parents gave us a grocery gift card for when things run out. We are doing okay.
The first week home was fun to be here at the house learning the feeling of being four. Then, dad started a new job at Mission Hospital where you were both born. He is learning sterile processing- or cleaning and sterilizing surgical tools for anything that is happening at the the hospital. He had a good first week and we hope that this step we took proves to be the right one that God is going to bless. We have a lot more to figure out, but it is going to take shape one piece at a time apparently.
I am sure if I looked back at the last several entries, I would see that I have been really dramatically emotional about this transition- so for this entry I'll just leave with this. Taking the two of you in your double stroller on a walk or sitting with both of you and your dad on the couch is a great, great feeling. I'm certain one of, if not the best, feeling of my life. I love you.
Soon- when I'm feeling a little less positive and relaxed- it's time to talk about the mumlessons I've been learning from Jack's budding toddler tantrums.
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