Hi boys-
I apologize that I have not been writing lately. To tell you the truth, I am under a lot of stress and sadness right now in my life that I want to go into but I won't because after all- this is the internet. But, I have been feeling like I should not write to you unless what I have to say is good. That is so ridiculous- because you already know by the time you are reading this that life is not all great and easy. Hopefully you even know the verse John 16:33 and many others that refer to the fact that living a life believing in God does not mean that everything is going to go our way- what it does mean is that we who believe that the God of the world loves us and loves us so much to send His son Jesus to die on the cross for us- we have a netting underneath us that ensures that we'll never fall farther in trouble or despair that we can bear or get ourselves out of with His help. So, I rest in that, that God cares about my worries and that even though He cares, to Him they are small and most certainly in control.
I went to a class today in a series I am doing called Navigating Motherhood and today's topic was about creating a Living Trust for our family in the event that both your dad and I are killed and you are children in need of care and guidance. What a sad and morbid topic. Well- I got an outline going tonight and saved it on my computer and more than anything- I did not feel morbid or sad but instead I felt relieved to know that if something does happen, you will hopefully not be the center of stress or controversy but in the center of open arms of love of many. Before you, the idea that I would die at a young age- did not make me worry about my "arrangements." The idea made me bummed about not getting to grow old, but I just assumed all my crap from purses to books to clothes and car would be passed around and then donated. But now that I am a mom- the idea that my death is not prepared for scared me to death today- I love you tooooo much to leave you unplanned for! I am going to make an effort to get this going as fast as I can because the thought of you without us made me sad enough, but the thought of not knowing that we planned for you and all of our family trying to guess what we wanted is a heavy burden.
On a much lighter note- Charlie- you are not light! Dr. Hashad told us this week that your size is a week ahead of schedule and you are kicking me in the sides and ribs like you would not believe! Last night we had a little training session of when you are a newborn- you woke me up about every hour and a half. Every time I tried to roll too far over onto my stomach- which is how I generally prefer to sleep as a non-pregnant person- you would kick and squirm and say HEY LADY!!!!!! STOP IT!!! and I would change to a much less comfortable position. Also so much fun- I can see you moving from the outside dozens of times per day at this point. My shirt just rolls around and I find myself staring at it/you and forgetting about whatever other thing I am doing at that moment.
Jack- you had a doctor's appointment this week as well and your doctor not only admired how cute you are but told us that you are getting taller for your age group than previously documented and that if you can keep on this path- you might be 6 feet tall! That seems impossible in my short family, but my grandpa Fred was over 6 feet. You got your flu shot and were a champ and she was able to see that you have at least 5 teeth coming in right now at the same time- your mouth is like a faucet of drool and you walk around with your hand in your mouth alot right now. You are so funny in so many ways right now. Your temper tantrums are still amusing at this point- you stop as soon as we show we don't care. You are running around and talking your language to yourself and smiling and being amused with yourself and you also make a new level of effort to notice what we are saying and the sound it makes and try to copy it. Right now, it sounds like you say the following: dad, ball, spider, truck, duck, eyes, hi, and some others I can't remember right this second. You were a cute cow for Halloween this past week- which basically consisted of dressing you up in the suit- then taking pictures of you while we laughed so hard we had tears coming out of our eyes. I will try to upload a picture of that to this blog soon. But right now- it is to bed for another night of Charlie's right hooks to my ribs!
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