waiting

hi there--

so this weekend you are several days late and we are just hanging out. We went and bought a pack and play for you to sleep in at someone else's house, we went out to dinner with Esseye and Shannon. Esseye is your dad's favorite friend, but we don't see him all that often because they live in San Dimas. We went on a walk at the beach and on the pier and I feel so lucky that we have been able to live in this amazing place that people visit for vacation. We don't know how much longer we'll live here but we will do our best to take advantage of the views while we can.

For several hours today, you did not move around-- and I did not like it at all. So, if you please-- keep moving. I think it is so weird the delicate state of worry that I have agreed to enter into for the remainder of my life. Every doctor's appointment you have had a strong heartbeat and you have been the right size, it is past your due date and I am feeling fine ( mostly). So, it was odd that I jumped to worry the second you deviated from your normal movement routine. I never considered that maybe you are just fat too- like me except for in a very confined space. So, I ate some stuff, laid down in all kinds of different positions, took a longer walk than I felt comfortable with and then finally- you started moving around a bit. In the end, I think it was an apple and cheese that got you going.

Although he wants you to come out now, your dad is very comfortable in this waiting and relaxing mode-- I am not as good at it. I seem to want to be active all the time- even when I'm tired. Like right now-- exhausted but I want to write you a letter, work on a blanket for you, read about vaccines, clean the bathroon again, etc, etc.

So, I am going to try and relax and think about what your face will look like, who you will be and how I will help mold you. I will keep dreaming about what you will love, knowing that this week- at long last, we will meet face to face.