A Jack sized heart

My sweet Jack.

The experience of being a parent really evolves every day and every day that poses a new challenge makes me realize how all that we have dealt with is so simple and easy in comparison to what is to come. Today was a daydream for me with you and Charlie because I did not have to work. We went to school ( learning link where we learn together), to the park, home for lunch and nap and then evening skype with Margaux then dinner with daddy and a special movie night of a movie I got in the mail today called Under The Sea. It is g-rated and intended to be a gentle and beautiful exploration of the ocean and coral reef.

As I look back at today, I realize how your special heart dominated all of those activities.

At school, you were too shy to tell the group of 10 your name so that we could all sing that you were there today.

At the park, you were having a blast while it was just Charlie and you and I on the playground. You flew up the ladder and down the slide faster than I could keep track of you. Then, some older boys who were being unpredictably rowdy showed up and although you generally hate leaving the park, today you were able to assess their change in the dynamic in just a moment and agree to leave.

Walking away from the playground, I was walking along as a proud mama with one boy on each hand. You left my hand and went around to hold Charlie's hand. You said to him- " hi Charlie buggy- I love holding your hand." I started to cry a little bit. You asked me why and I tried to explain why sometimes people cry when they are very happy.

Only a few moments later, you said in your matter of fact voice that includes a hand raised and gesturing emphatically- " When God loves us, I heared his voice from the Bible in my heart." I asked, " You heard God's voice in your heart?" You answered, " Yes-- sometimes I do and sometimes I don't."

I should remind you-- you are three years and 5 months old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, as if that wasn't enough to prove that your dad and I are going to have a tough road with you exposing you to how broken this world is, we ended our day snuggled up on the couch, all showered, in the dark and eating some cookies- in front of our new ocean movie. Our first real live family movie night. Even Charlie was spellbound by the beautiful ocean. I had my arm around you Charlie and snuggled up to Jack on the other side with my hand on your dad's knee and I thought-- how could this get better? Jack- you just looked at me in wonder. About 20 minutes in, a stone fish popped quickly out of the ocean floor and ate another fish. Your whole body jumped and you started to cry. They showed a few more of these natural instances and you became more upset to the point where we turned it off and said that we could finish another time after talking about it a little.

While brushing your little teeth- through you toothbrush- you said, "mama, why don't the fish eat turtle food like Matsui instead of other fish?" We told you all about the ocean for a few moments and told you how God made it go the way it does to make all systems continue perfectly without too many fish, to have enough plants, etc. You looked at us like you were considering what we said.

As I rubbed your back and your hair as you fell asleep, you gently said, " I don't like it. I don't like fish eating other fish."

Oh, my heart.

I write you this play by play of our day to tell you two things:

1) God made you this way for a purpose- you are going to touch people's lives by your ability to feel. I hope that you feel it is a blessing.
2) Although this will also make some parts of life more painful for you, I am glad God made you this way.