Oh my Jack and Charlie- we have had a fun two days! It’s Sunday night and I cannot wait to go to bed now that you are both asleep (like every night) but I can’t skip telling you about this weekend.
Yesterday (Cinco de Mayo) we (Jack and I) had our first swim lesson. You had previously made it clear you were going to fight against this pretty strongly. But I was feeling good as we drove to the pool in our swimsuits and then skipped to the pool’s gate. As soon as you saw the scene, (kids of all ages, teenagers doing a lifeguarding class, kids jumping in the side) you grabbed hold of me and started saying no! in a way that broke my heart. It broke my heart and made me feel like running away myself but it also told me- we really need to be there. I found the teacher and we set down our stuff- the first 15 minutes of our 30 minute class, you clung to my body as I sat on the top step inside the water. The cute part was that as I moved to slide further in the pool, something behind me got caught. I looked back to find that you had hooked your foot on the side of the pool so that part of you was not in the water. You are a genius. I waited you out and let you know you are safe. You are a skilled observer. You looked at kids older than you and those younger than you, watched what the teacher was doing with others to decide what the heck was going on here. I did finally start to slide off the steps and stand in the water and we spent the rest of the time laughing and splashing with a ring and having fun. I think that next week, you’ll still need time- but I’m hoping it’s 10 minutes and so on. I think you are going to be in a class with me the whole summer. It’s going to be so special but more importantly outside your comfort zone enough that we need to go- just like being my “Bible study buddy” and going to church.
Yesterday we went to church and then afterward went out to Mr. B’s pizza for a meatball and pasta- you both ate like little piggies and both gave Mr. B hi fives and smiles and thank you. Pretty cozy for us to have a nice dinner with our sons and have them be polite and peaceful.
Charlie- what a little angel you are right now. You tilt your head to the side and smile pretty much all day. You are now saying moo, baa, night night, mama (sigh), daddaa, pup (for your favorite puppy that you sleep with every night), that, and all sorts of other sounds that as you make them, it’s clear you are working to communicate. You still snuggle a fair amount when we want you to. You run pretty fast and can fall down and just get back up and then fall and get back up- only minor fussing. You just don’t see the need to waste your time fussing instead of continuing on. So different than Jack who would struggle at your age (and still) with set backs or falls. But the reason jack does that is for mastery of a subject. I’m interested to see what the positives and negatives are to your plowing through the world spirit. The other day, I kissed your cheek so many times, I checked it to make sure it wasn’t worn out…
This morning was pretty rough. I can’t write all about it right now, but basically, we were afraid that Aunt Stacy had lost the baby that she is carrying. We don’t know yet if this baby is a boy or a girl, but we do know this baby is our family. I literally felt like I was going to be sick and cried a few times at work when I was not with residents. I am glad tonight to say that the baby is doing okay- I am just praying tonight for your Uncle Mike and Aunt Stacy and the stress they must feel at the thought of that kind of loss and how closely they were to it. Today is your cousin Tailor’s 15th birthday, so we also prayed that she would be able to handle the fact that her day was altered for her family overall. Being a mom now means that so many instances of life- things that I know, hear about or even see on movies- are real now when before they were distant, abstract. I remember before I became your mom, people telling me things and then saying, “you just really can’t understand it until you’re a parent.” Then I’d think, “awfully presumptuous of this jerk to decide what I can comprehend and what I can’t. What a total dumb I was—I really had no idea until I looked into your eyes what it would feel like to have this love, this fear, this trust in God and this assurance that before that day- I had not known anything.
After I got home from work today, I put on some fresh powder and made another go at the day—my date with Jack! We went to a small pizza place and shared cheese pizza and water and then went to a church for a symphony concert with my friend Hasti and her son Kai who is also 3. What a dream come true it was for us. To have you both on our laps and watch you both look up at the violins and the conductor and the bass, trumpets, flute and even the big organ pipes with wonder in your little eyes and your hands gently rested on our hands. I just wrapped my arms around you as tightly as you’d let me and put my nose completely and firmly into your hair while I listened to the music. I want moments like that to last forever in my heart. Moments like when you Jack were telling your dad about your swimming lesson and you said, “mommy was just holding me and holding me.”
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