Your dad and I just put you to bed and are now getting ready to go to bed ourselves. Tomorrow is your first day at day care. I can hardly keep from crying every time I think about it. I love you so much and have enjoyed every moment with you. I know that we will be apart for 9.5 hours, that you will be fine and then we will be together again. But it feels like we are abandoning you. Trusting a stranger with your care feels like torture like I have never been through. I am going to think about you all day. I do anyway, but now I will be praying for your safety all day and freaking out. Being a parent, maybe especially a mom, has been one lesson in trusting you and others with you after another. From the moment that you were born and you were in other's arms because I was out of it from the c-section, to your first bottle instead of breast, to your first day with dad, your first date night with Barbara and tomorrow for sure-- it hurts but I feel God's embrace when I hurt. Even at three months, I have already been asked to give up little bits of control after little bit of control. It is hard to do.
You are so precious to me. I can understand what comes over parents when they act in strange ways unlike themselves. I would do anything you need as long as it was not morally wrong.
I love you so much and I know that tomorrow, in the care of Lisa Malone from 8am to 5:15 pm, you will be fine. I hope I will be too.
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